Tonight, I stood up in the middle of a tv show, newly empty bag of trail mix in hand, mascara running thanks to the tears I cried earlier, and said to Drex, "parenting is SO hard, it's so so hard!". He paused the show, confused, and asked me what I was doing. "Telling you how hard parenting is" I responded, and then I plopped myself down on the couch and we talked. About how hard it is. How awesome but also hard but also awesome it is.
I'm always hesitant to write something, anything, about the oh my gosh this is SO hard moments (or days) of parenting. Probably because all my favorite bloggers don't. Nope, they write about what is currently in fashion, the cute new coat they bought for their daughter, designing a nursery, the wonderful day they had, doing whole 30 (complete with photos of course), etc. What they don't write about are the moments where you sob because your baby is being almost unbearable, because all you've heard all day is nonstop crying which occasionally has turned to full on screaming. How hard and sad it is to see your baby get red in the face and not be able to tell you what's wrong. How you change their diaper, try to feed them (but they also happen to be boycotting nursing at the moment too), shh them, rock them, bounce them, sing to them, and nothing helps and then suddenly you're left feeling mad at your 3 month old which makes absolutely no sense because they can't help what they're feeling and you can't actually be mad at a baby, so you cry all while telling them how much you love them because you do. You really love them and in the hardest moments you love them the most even though you're not quite sure how that's possible.
Parenting is SO hard. Today was SO hard. And I cried. I longed for bedtime and when it came I cried, kissed my sweet baby goodnight, and poured myself a glass of wine. Because sometimes mama needs a glass of wine. And now it's 12am and I should've been in bed 2 hours ago because my sweet boy has decided he doesn't like sleep much anymore. Today he didn't like naps either. But that's okay. Because tomorrow will come and we won't remember how hard today was. We'll remember that he smiled while sang I to him, even though it lasted only a moment. We'll remember his big smile when we picked him up and decided to stop fighting him for a nap. We'll remember that in the end, he snuggled up to me as he nursed and then fell asleep, his floppy little body all milk drunk as we laid him down in our bed. Parenting is SO hard, but it's SO SO worth it.
Love this. It's very true-parenting can make you want to scream and cry at times, but there's no one else we would do it for and those little babes are oh-so-worth it. Take each day one at a time and know that these times will fade and it will be easier (and then harder for a whole other reason ha) and easier again. Cheers to being momma!
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